I was reading a fictional book about, well silly as it sounds, a banished from her clan, laudanum addicted werewolf who was born on a full moon which gave her the ability to basically go ape shit on anyone or anything shredding it into a million pieces. Basically she's #1 bad-ass, and you don't fuck with her LOL. Every night I looked forward to shedding all my clothes then sliding under my silky, soft pink sheets to drift off into a loft in London where I vicariously lived my life through her. That book was called Curse Of The Wolf Girl by Martin Millar. Then it was over, I had read the last line on the very last page. For about a week I went into a slight state of depression searching for something new to jump into. I was going to read a book (which I will as soon as I am finished with my current reads) called Good Bad Woman by Elizabeth Woodcraft. I'm extremely interested in this book as I was hooked upon reading the synopsis of the story....Lesbian framed for murder. Trying to prove her innocence as she's simultaneously falling in love with a sexy and mysterious woman. Honestly the book had me at its title. Just sounds like it's full of juicy words and sexual innuendos LOL.

What do I do? I put the book down before opening up to page 1. I tell myself it is time for another one of those "self help" or "enlightenment/awakening" type books. I was stoked, Yeahhhh this will be great! So I chose a book I bought at the used book store on 39th St & Bell in KCMO. The title was promising, and I have been increasingly curious about the Zen and Zazen way of living life. Owning It, Zen and the Art of Facing Life by Perle Besserman is what I settled on. Things were quite well until one day I had about 20 minutes to spare so I stopped in at a local antique store near by. I was instantly drawn to the sections where they had used books. Spent several minute thumbing through each one, bypassing the History section LOL, until I stumbled on a book that well only grabbed my attention because it had full and crescent moons all over it. It took hold of me not allowing me to put it back on the shelf. I had picked up One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant. It happens to be a workbook as well as a just a book. Oh Great, what have I got myself tangled up in LOL?

So now I am stuck with these two books that now seem to be my worse enemy LOL. They said that might happen. The author said I might want to throw the book away, put it down, stop reading it or instead of taking 40 Days / 40 Nights to work through...it might take 6 months LOL. HOWEVER, they forgot to mention that I would also get angry, uncomfortable, be faced with sides of myself that are not as shiny as the rest of me, thrown out of my comfort zone, and having feelings of wanting to run as fast and as far away from these books as I could go. Basically since I started reading these books, all hell has broken loose. When I bring issues not dealt with that lay dormant inside me to light, sometimes my body's reactions are like that of a vampire being thrown out onto the lawn on a hot sunny July day LOL. Nooooooooo!!!! MAKE .... IT.... STOP!!! It's too painful, and I just want to have Fun LOL.

Isn't it funny how when you are just going along day-to-day just "living" that nothing seems to go wrong, no storms are thrown your way and you seem to be able to handle any and all situations that you come face-to-face? As soon,...and I mean, AS SOON,...as you take one step in trying to improve even .00001% of yourself the shit just seems to hit the fan LOL. It's fucking maddening, but at the same time this lets me know....I am on the right track!!! When I feel like I am going backwards or in a strange limbo, this is usually when shortly after I find myself hurdled forward capturing massive Healing or Self Improvement. That limbo or going in reverse feeling is a very scary and lonely place, but I know it is the place where my internal surgery is taking place preparing me for an even better Heart, Mind and Soul that can not only help myself, but be a light for others as well. How can I help others if I can not first help myself? When I am full, I can give to others. When I am empty, others can give to me. The Cycle of Giving is a 50/50 road.

I made a commitment that I would participate fully absorbing all that it is trying to show and teach me. I made a commitment that I would finish each book entirely whether it takes me 40 days and 40 nights, or it takes me 3 1/2 years LOL. Thank God for Yoga, Meditation and Wine!! Otherwise I might go postal on some poor innocent soul taking out all my chaotic bull shit on them. Which I have, and no it does not serve any good purpose to myself or the ones I lash out at. Healing is rarely a painless journey. In fact I would say Healing is more often very painful, majorly uncomfortable, quite painstaking, and extremely time consuming. The harder I work, the longer I commit and the more sweat/blood/tears I shed the better my outcome.

February 17th, 2010 I made a commitment to myself that I would take part in a Healing Journey that I knew only had a beginning, but was not told where and when it would end. I have a SNEAKY suspicion I might have been conned into this contract. As of this date there is no end in sight, and I have become aware that this will be a life long journey. Ugh!!! I am not a long term project person LOL. I am more of a short term project with more immediate gratification kind of gal LOL. None-the-less, I signed it in blood, euphemistically speaking of course, but I hold that commitment in extremely high regard giving it my all even if my all on some days is just trying to sit still while listening to a 2-5 minute Healing Affirmation by Deepak Chopra.

So while I know these two "hey I wanna be a better person" books will bring forth positive changes in my life, I am still super eager to dive into another fictional book where I can become the main character, and live once again vicariously through her "Love, Loss, Laughter and the Law".   :-D~

Sometimes I get a hankering to read a little bit of Kahlil Gibran's writings. Usually pretty partial to reading out of The Prophet, but tonight I felt drawn to read a few excerpts from The Garden of The Prophet. A few of those pages seemed to stand out a little more than some of the others. If you have this book I pulled the following excerpt from pages 32-33.

His writings always make me stop to ponder how his words relate to me and my current location in any number of my journeys. I think if you took 10 people, and had them all read the same section, you would get 10 different meanings and perceptions. All right,  none wrong, they're just all extremely personal and intimate with each individual person where they are in their life at that given moment in time.

I find this to be a good detour from times where I lack staying in the present/now, reminiscing too much about the past and the countless hours I spend daydreaming about the future. When nothing seems to work to bring myself back into Mindfulness and being Present in the Now, I find a few pages of his thoughts help snap me back into finding my center and re-grounding my heart, mind and soul again. Hope you enjoy his writing as much as I do.    :-D

*** The Garden of The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran *** (Excerpt from Page 32-33)

   And on a morning when the sky was yet pale with dawn, they walked all together in the Garden and looked unto the East and were silent in the presence of the rising sun.

   And after a while Almustafa pointed with his hands, and he said: "The image of the morning sun in a dewdrop is not less than the sun. The reflection of life in your soul is not less than life.

   "The dewdrop mirrors the light because it is one with light, and you reflect life because you and life are one.

   "When darkness is upon you, say: 'This darkness is dawn not yet born; and though night's travail be full upon me, yet shall dawn be born unto me even as unto the hills'.

   "The dewdrop rounding its sphere in the dusk of the lily is not unlike yourself gathering your soul in the heart of God.

   "Shall a dewdrop say: 'But once in a thousand years am I even a dewdrop,' speak you and answer it saying: 'Know you not that the light of all the years is shining in your circle?' "

Link: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/896542-husband-watching-internet-porn-comes-across-film-starring-his-wife

Holy Crap! This story is just crazy, and, well, really mean. The wife could have handled things better, and been a little less soul crushing when she explained her situation. Now I don't know who the husband thinks he's kidding when he said, "I found 11 films showing my wife in indecent scenes with her lover… it was the first time I watched a porno film and I did this just out of curiosity." LMFAO, okay, yeahhhh sure buddy. This was your very first time LOL. Give me a freaking break LOL.

I'm sure this type of thing has happened many, many times before. There have probably been numerous strippers, escorts, film stars, etc that have been "found out" either by their partners or their partner's friends.I guess that brings up the question about "How honest should you be with someone you are engaged in an intimate relationship?"

In this case I think since they are married she should have been honest with her husband, as well as tell him she doesn't love him anymore. Why not just get out of the marriage, and do what you want with your life? So many people will stay trapped in marriages that are dead. Mostly I find that they care more about hoarding their material wealth instead of opting for real happiness. The moment I choose material goods over being happy, I have lost everything! I'm not married so I guess I don't have to concern myself with decisions like that. However I find it fascinating to watch people who continually choose money over freedom. When I use the word "freedom" here, I do NOT mean "freedom" to represent being single. I intended it to represent Peace and Happiness in one's life.

On a better note, that girl in the photo with the tattoos on her hands issss HOT!!! Would love to see the rest of her. I tried to find some of her 11 videos to no avail. Ahhh I'm Sad! Maybe you guys will have better luck locating this woman for me. I am a.....curious creature LOL.

I guess the only thing that could have deflated this poor husband's ego more would have been if she said the younger lover's cock was bigger than his. I think this girl deserves a gold star for being one of the meanest World Class Bitches in existence LOL.

Link: http://weirdnews.about.com/b/2009/03/23/new-mens-swimsuit-guards-against-shrinkage.htm

~ New Men's Swimsuit Guards Against "Shrinkage" ~

This article is funny! I am not a guy so I have no clue how self-conscious guys are about "shrinkage" in cold water. Surely this is a real nightmare for a man in more ways than just worrying about some shrinkage issues. I have no problem with a man using this in the crotch of his swimsuit. Hell I am completely guilty of giving into all of the Victoria Secret's products of deception LOL...the Wonder Bra! Hey a gal will do just about anything to make her hair shiny, her skin tight and the ability to show off massive cleavage. I do, and well I don't care if anyone knows I do. I just care about the way I look when I go out on the town Friday and/or Saturday night. I like myself just fine, but I see no issue with boosting something up...or out....or together LOL. So men, I say go for it! Take action to avoid showing off your shrinkage that we all know was truly because You Were In The Pool LOL. Honestly I could care less about what your cock looks like unless I am interested in making that bad boy cum. I am in utter awe at manipulating that volcano until it blows, Mmmm Soooo HOT!!! I love the name of this product the "Rooster Booster". Makes me want to shout "COCK-a-doodle-do" LOL!!! Aren't we so damn silly? We are so self-conscious about the most minute things, but a small fix such as a padded bra or padded swim trunks can make all the difference in the world in our self-confidence. One of my favorite sayings is, " Whatever Works ".  }:-D~

***YouTube Video (I Was In The Pool-George Costanza)***

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cUNNKzj_Nc

There is nothing better in Life than a good 'ol belly busting Laugh!!! I have a very silly sense of humor, and I try to find some humor in almost everything. I opened a fortune cookie from the Chinese restaurant the other day that read, "Humor usually works at the moment of awkwardness." How true that is! How true that is LOL!! I opened another fortune cookie a few weeks before that. Yes, I eat a lot of Chinese food. There is a buffet place that I love to go feast on at least once ever week or two. I just love the ice cream with sprinkles at the end. Gawd I need to grow up LOL. Nahhhhh that would be way too boring!!! Well this other fortune cookie said, "A merry heart does good like a medicine." These fortune cookies have become great inspirations for me in my daily strive to improve myself, to be a good, balanced and happy person. I know they are silly, but the Fortunes in the cookies are my "thing". I have saved every fortune from every cookie I have cracked open for longer than I can remember. I have a handmade heart dish given to me as a gift that I use to house all these precious fortunes. Strangely, but cool as hell they are more often than not either related to something current in my life, or say something that is to come which actually does. Kind of freaks me out sometimes, but then I thought this is something small in my life that means a lot to me. However silly it may appear, it does seem to fit me jussssstttt right. When I walk in the Chinese restaurant I stick my hand in the bowl with my eyes closed tight, and allow my hand to land on the perfect cookie for me. Then I eat mounds of food until I think I will pop LOL. Finishing up with a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles where I am oh too excited to crack open my surprise. What does it say? Oh I can't wait to reveal the new message chosen just....for.....Me! Yeahhhhh

Here are a few things that make me laugh. The list is almost unlimited, infinity more like it LOL. Everyday that I am able to laugh and smile is a GREAT Day!!! Live, Laugh, Love.....notice how Laughter is as important as Life itself and Loving yourself/others? Laughter, like milk, does a body good... LOL   :-D~

(1) WORKAHOLICS:

Okay so one of my addictions is this show on Comedy Central called "Workaholics". OMG this show is freaking hilarious!! If you have not checked this out Season 3 starts May 29th. I know, I know, that is like light years away. To curb your appetite until the new ones come out, there are always reruns playing on Tuesdays later in the evening. The show is about 3 dudes that are around 25 years old. They work at TelAmeriCorp, a telemarketing firm. They share a big cubicle where they basically fuck off all day. Then get off work, get boozed up and go through these crazy ass adventures. To me Anders is like the Dad, Blake is like the Mother and Adam is like the Child. As a team these three idiots will leave you in stitches if you have a very goofy sense of humor. Which...I DO!! I think the name of the show throws people off making them disinterested in the show because it seems to resemble "The Office", but you are truly missing out on one hell of a funny 30 minute weekly show. I beg you to watch just one episode...one lil episode, and if you hate it you never have to do it again LOL.

(Link: http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/workaholics)

(2) GIRL'S NIGHT OUT:

So once every month or two we have a GNO, Girl's Night Out. They are always a Blast! We pick about 4-5 places to hit up for the evening, where at least 2-3 of them have to be someplace we have never been before as a group. On one of these GNO's, we ended up having a reservation at Manifesto. Manifesto is considered something of a small speakeasy. It is in the basement of the Rieger Hotel at 1924 Main. By the way, their food is scrumptious, and the atmosphere is exquisite! Manifesto however is down in the basement lit mostly by candle light. The space is small so everyone tries to keep their conversations down low. Welllll one of my girlfriends was so mesmerized by the fancy cocktails they make that she kept ordering them back to back guzzling them all down at a rapid rate. Then there was the look. I think you know the look. Maybe you have given the look LOL. The look I am referring to is the one someone possesses when they turn from tipsy to wasted. So I told you everyone there was prim and proper, keeping their conversations to a bare minimum. What does my very drunk friend do? Let me say this first. She is a very respectable girl that has a long term serious boyfriend. She is usually a very quiet and laid back chic. Butttt now in one of the booths at Manifesto.....She has raised her voice to a level I think the people upstairs in the restaurant/bar could hear. Which poked my conservative friend like a needle. The more conservative friend began calmly "shooshing" her trying to get her to lower her voice. That did not happen. However a huge laugh followed up with a snort did LOL. What happened next almost made me pee my pants. She started talking about cocks, big huge fat cocks actually LOL. She continued on about all the things she wanted to do with these enormous cocks in graphic detail....YESSSSSS!!! My mouth dropped open in disbelief because she really isn't "that" girl normally, but I am one to just roll with situations you know you have absolutely no control over. She could see me giggling, trying to hide my laughter from the conservative friend who at this time is fucking mortified. Which honestly only made me laugh more. It was the whole combination of this prissy lil basement bar's patrons, her XXX pornographic dirty talk and my conservative friend who I am pretty sure had a real life cow in the corner of the booth that made this one of the best laughs I have had in a longgggggg time. It was Awwwwwesome LOL!!!! If you would like to experience Manifesto , you need to text this number 816-536-1325 . When you text them, give them your Name, Date/Time you desire for your reservation and how many People will be in your party. They are in the basement of the Rieger Hotel at 1924 Main, KCMO 64108 (816-471-2177). Their drinks at Manifesto are super cool and Mmmm Mmmmm Tasty, and the ambiance is that of stone walls, cool tables and booths all with dimly lit candles to light the bar!! I do love my candles (wink), sooooo Romantic ;-D

(Link: http://www.theriegerkc.com/)

(3) GRACE, and THE ART OF CLUMSINESS:

Probably the best laughs are the ones when I laugh at myself. I am notorious for walking down the street in my flip flops, hitting a crack in the pavement where I am flying through the air finally stumbling to the ground. Oh it makes me so mad, and I am so embarrassed. But you know what? I found that if I can learn to laugh at my clumsy ways, I can more easily overcome the anger and embarrassment that normally follows. I think observers appreciate it too. You can see their faces as they try to hide their laughter or looks of "Are you alright?"back, but when they see me bust out a loud boisterous chuckle they instantly laugh with me. Everyone gets a good giggle out of it, and it becomes a funny situation instead of focusing on the fact that I just messed up my toe nail design that I just had done the other day while getting a pedicure. Bahhhh that shit is so trivial anymore! Not worth getting all bent out of shape over anymore. Just means I'll  have to spend a little bit of extra time to fix that precious lil toe nail design when I get back home LOL. .......Still embarrassing though LOL......oh to be Graceful. Some days you have it......AND......Some days you don't. Ahhhh, Such is Life, LOL..... :-D