We all have passion for various unique things. Mine would be that I love to help what some would call the "bowels" of society. I just call them The Needy, needy for whatever it is they need at that particular moment in their life. I absolutely LOVE to serve those in Need ...

If you asked me to name what I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life, whether I got paid for it or not, I would quickly reply... To Serve . To serve the poor, the needy, the deflated, the addicts, the children, the women, those who are treated differently because of who or what they are, etc. See the thing about me is I don't care who you are, what you have or what you do. I only want to serve them in ways that I feel led by God. I want nothing back, no expectations. I do it purely for the Joy and Peace I receive from serving.

I have a good friend who possesses the same desires as myself. We like to find different ways to volunteer, help and/or give. One opportunity that was fun as well as funny was when we worked at Harvesters a few different times. The last time was probably the most fun experience there. Our job was to fill boxes with different paper products such as toilet paper, paper towels and Kleenex. The catch was each box had to weigh 9 lbs. The trouble was that we had to fill these not so big boxes with enough items to equal 9 lbs. This may seem like a breeze of a job, but I implore you to take your turn there to see how very difficult this seemingly easy task was. We shared many laughs that day, but left there satisfied, peaceful and glowing with Happy. Since then we have found all kind of things to participate in, each completely different from the other, but they all make us Happy. I find that when I take my mind of myself: my trials and tribulations, that I am able to concentrate that energy turning it into giving of myself to others without requirements or expectations of any rewards or recognition.

The last time we volunteered I found out about an organization called N2N (Neighbor To Neighbor). They have a place in the bottom of a church in Westport that serves breakfast, lunch and dinner to all who are hungry. I was excited to take part in this. So I scheduled a night for us to bring some of the dinner side dishes, as well as to help serve the food and assist with the clean up. All was going like clock work, and found myself standing around eager to go out to speak to some of the people. On this particular night I was drawn to a table that sat a family of four: a mom, her two kids and her boyfriend.

I walked over speaking to the children first. As I am talking to them I gradually began incorporating the other two. I find that people will let their guard down when they sense I have no agenda when I approach them. Making conversation with the children was a good way in to their hearts. We sat talking for a while when they finally began opening up to me about their current situation. I listened intently, without passing judgment, taking in every word they shared. Turned out they were homeless, jobless and as an old church pastor used to say, "Broke, Busted and Disgusted" lol.

I didn't know what to do so I began writing down every rental agent I knew that would help them find an apartment that would work with them, their credit and their situation. Then the light went on! I remembered my friend telling me that he had  "more work than he had workers". (Rubs hands together while wheels are turning inside my head conspiring a plan LOL). I tell them to wait just a minute. Spoke to my friend who told me to have him call between 8:30-9:30am the next morning. They were so happy and grateful. The man (boyfriend) shook my hand looking in my eyes repeating thank you over and over again.

Went back into the kitchen to start cleaning up so they could close everything down for the night. My friend and I agreed that if he was serious, really wanted this job, he'd call. If he didn't there was nothing more we could do. What do you know? At 8:22am the next morning Bobby called. He began two days later working for my friend on one of his job sites.

Now I am not going to say this guy did not have his fair share of issues. Let me first state that Bobby is 21 years old lol. That pretty much says it all lol. During his first few months he managed to get beat up, arrested for an unpaid ticket, need help being driven to cash checking places and well he took more smoke breaks than anyone I have ever known lol. However, he was trying. He seemed quite happy to be getting his life back on track. He was making something better for himself, his girlfriend and her two sweet children.

Never fails when a person decides to take newly paved Road B instead of good 'ol beat down Road A, the devil will rear his ugly head to start poking around in things that are beginning to go down the right path. The last three to four weeks of Bobby working for my friend were different than his normal upbeat spirit he had about him. My friend could see changes in his appearance, his attitude and his energy. He seemed slower, weaker and more depressed. We knew that his girlfriend and him were going through a lot, (and I mean A LOT!) some of them very sad where they suffered a loss.

On Sunday, May 27th 2012, Bobby passed away. His girlfriend had related that she had found him in the bathroom when she arrived back home. See because of his job producing pay checks, they were no longer homeless as Bobby found an apartment for them to all live in. Unfortunately, he also now had money which caused his old addiction to sneak back into their lives again. Bobby and his girlfriend were recovering heroin addicts. Bobby made the fateful choice to reengage his habit, for whatever reasons, and began using again. On Sunday Bobby died of an overdose from Heroin.

What a blow this was for my friend and I to find out. I was crushed to hear about my new friend that we had so gladly lent a helping hand to in his, their, time of need. I do not know what happened from the moment they left that church that night we met them, but I do know without a shadow of a doubt that all six of us were brought into each others lives for a purpose. I am assured that I did what God led me to do.... Serve : giving unselfishly of myself in an act of Love. I did what I was supposed to do. My friend did what he was supposed to do. Sadly Bobby lost his life at too early of an age. Twenty-one years old (21 years old) is far too young to die!

See what keeps me going is I truly believe this world that we know is NOT the end. I believe that he went to Heaven. I believe that in the last moments, minutes, of his life, Jesus sat there on that dirty bathroom floor holding Bobby waiting until his last breath was expelled. Then he forgave him for all his sins welcoming him into the kingdom of God to live in Heaven for infinity. I do believe that God will give everyone "the Chance", whether that is when you are a badly hurting little girl at the age of eight or you are a twenty-one year old young man who accidentally made one too many bad decisions which ended his life.

I find myself okay for a while, but then he will repeatedly enter my thoughts again where I find myself extremely sad and heartbroken over this travesty. See I am not your normal breed of folk. I absorb all of the emotions that everyone involved feels, and I feel them myself. I am a very empathetic as well as sympathetic woman! I see everyone hurting, see their loss. It is gut wrenching to see this young man dead when he was just on the cusp of something bigger and better for himself and his "family". I see him as a child of God that is equal to me, valued exactly the same; no less-no more. I see him as a person that no matter what his "deal" was, he deserved to be Loved, Treated with respect/dignity and Appreciated for the person his soul was... Is .

Right now I am sad, sitting here on my bed writing about a man that should have been another success story,but instead is another story of a life lost. You may be saying to yourself, "Who cares? He was a junkie! He had it coming when he played with fire". To you he may be just another "junkie", but to me he was a Friend .

 If you find it in your heart, feel led, feel the desire, please keep his family and friends in your prayers as I am sure this is an extremely tough time for All.

Thank you Bobby for opening your heart to us, allowing us to be a part of you and your "family's lives. See you on the flip side...     :-(

*** *** *** ***
R.I.P. Bobby
*** *** *** ***

 

"Hey You Guyssss" (love  quotes LOL --- Goonies) .... Get on Google (www.google.com) today. It's Robert Moog's (what would be his) 78th birthday. There is a Fully Playable Synthesizer on there that you can mess around with to create your own music.

Change the dials and switches on it with your mouse, then play the keys to see all the different sounds you can make. The best, yes we all know I am a nerd LOL, is that you can record your work, play it back and then get a link to it to share with all your fellow nerd friends LOL.

In case you read this blog after today (5/23/12), I have provided an alternative link to the Synthesizer (crosses fingers that it works lol) if the one on actual Google's home page is gone.

I know this is super silly, but being silly is Fun, Lighthearted and makes you feel like a Kid again. Go ahead, No one is watching... Create A Tune.   :-D~

(1)  Link:   (Synthesizer---Good for Wednesday, March 23rd, 2012)  http://www.google.com/

(2)  Link:   (Synthesizer) http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en&tab=ww

(3) Link: (Story) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/9285466/The-Moog-Googles-doodle-explained.html

(4) Link: (More Info) http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en&tab=ww#q=Bob+Moog&oi=ddle&ct=moog12-hp&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=7e31dd1cd0ae5982&biw=1366&bih=665

A few days ago I found myself aimlessly wandering around Barnes and Noble on the Plaza traveling in and out of each aisle as well as up and down the escalators visiting every floor. One of my favorite things to do is go to new and used bookstores. I find a lot of peace just perusing the floors, browsing all the books on the shelves and displays. Bookstores tend to be rather quite allowing my thoughts, I try to run from lol, to finally be heard loud and clear. When I am left with just myself and a room full of books, I am free to do a moving meditation called Kinhin.

Kinhin is a term used in Zen practice where one practices walking in between zazen sittings. Now I do not do the zazen sittings as I have the attention span of a squirrel, so instead I have opted to do more of the Kinhin way for a lot of my meditation. As I read more about Kinhin, it said that a lot of people will do long walks or long slow jogs to act as their meditation practice. For people like me that find it very difficult to sit still, Kinhin is a great alternative that works more with my personality than trying to change it.  

While thumbing through various books, I stumbled upon the trilogy display of Fifty Shades Of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed by E.L. James. I have heard a lot about Fifty Shades Of Grey from numerous sources. I knew this was all the rage right now. I normally do not read books that are "the popular thing to read right now". The only books I have read that were super popular were The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo series. Those three books were the best books I have ever read! Lisbeth Salander is my Fucking Hero....Forrrreverrrr!!! (Quote from The Sandlot lol)

I picked up a copy of Fifty Shades Of Grey, and began reading a few pages... yadda yadda yadda. I carried it with me as I kept checking other books out around the same area. I was quite undecided, but thought I might go ahead and purchase the book putting my stereotypes of the book aside, buying it instead with an open mind. I set it down for a minute to read a few pages from another book when this lady walks up to me. She says, "Are you going to read that?" I look up replying, "This book?" She bounces back with a giggle, "No. The book Fifty Shades Of Grey." Hmmm, yeahhh now I am immediately over this book, and ready to move on (why I am like this I do not know, but I did KNOW that I was no longer interested in this book). I look back up to her, as I hold the book out, telling her, "Oh no. I was thinking about it, but decided against it. If you are going to then you can just take this copy if you want." She looked a little embarrassed like she wanted to take it, but was too shy to reach out for it. She let me know that this book was all the rage, especially with soccer moms and she heard that the book was really good and very racy. We shared a chuckle, and then she walked away.

I will let you know that I am NOT a soccer mom LOL! I did try, honestly I did,  reading a few pages from the book where I found myself utterly bored as this whole BDSM thing has been around since the beginning of time. Now it's the "IN" thing so everybody jumps on board, where before they would have smirked and frowned upon this type of lifestyle. That's society for you, LOL. Pied Piper plays his flute where all the mice come running to follow him lol. I like to refer to this new fad of BDSM (relationships/sexual encounters/lifestyles) as the Caveman Mentality. You know what I man:  Man owns girl, Man controls girl, Girl is sex slave to man. Yawn, Yawn, Yawn, BORING! Good gravy I need something new, something more, something way more mentally, emotionally and sexually challenging. Hey, How about a book about a girl that dominates a man, only allowing him sexual pleasure if he acts like a good lil slave that does everything she commands. (Muahahaha) Then, Yes, Then I would read the fuck out of those books!!! However I think this exists in our society already which some would refer to as a Wife.... LOL HaHaHa. Oh sorry I couldn't help my self on that funny. I'm just being silly LOL.

So I decide to stop all current searches, and go home. As I am walking out I glance over to my right where I see the bargain bin. Worth stopping by to see what treasures are hidden there. Hidden Treasure there was. I pulled out this paperback book with a pair of sexy legs wearing fishnet hose. Mmmm, getting warmer. I check out the title finding this draws me in even more. The book is called, Mocha Chocolate: Taste A Piece Of Ecstasy , and it fancies itself as "Erotica at it's best". Okay I am hooked. The book is meant for me, and I must have it!

I have always loved to write erotic stories, but I have never really found anything from other authors that were into writing the same type of erotic stories unless you count the Letters to Penthouse LOL. While those are extremely stimulating I was more ecstatic with my new find. I rushed to the checkout counter to make my purchase all while adorning my signature huge, mischievous Smile LOL.

I get home, pull my new addiction out of the sack, and proceed to read about the the various authors in this book. Actually there are 17 stories by 17 authors. They are all black authors which is awesome and thrilling because I don't find a lot of books like this that are compilations from more than one person; as well as them all being black authors at that. I discover that each of them, men and women, are well educated, have all different kinds of cool degrees, love writing and all are passionate about having one of their erotic stories included in this book edited by Shani Greene-Dowdell. I found this book a fascinating and exciting new book to dive into since I had just finished my Owning It, Zen and the Art of Facing Life book.

That night I was ready to partake in the first erotic story which featured a writing from a very new, and upcoming author that desires" to push the envelope in a variety of genres". Appropriately titled, "Foreplay" by Shanay Nae. I loved her story, and hope that she is able to make it in the book publishing world where she finds her Happiness through writing and sharing her creative works with the world. The remaining 16 authors have been around for a while, where they have published other writings before submitting their piece for the book Mocha Chocolate: Taste A Piece Of Ecstasy edited by Shani Greene-Dowdell.

So far I have read a few stories, and have become so involved in their written words that I have caught myself dreaming the stories to life in my dream world. It's kind of hard (no pun intended lol) to get a deep (no pun intended lol), good night's restful sleep when you are dreaming these erotic stories into existence. I find myself playing actress in their stories where dreamland allows all of my hidden inhibitions to open up, and immerse myself in all the sexual pleasures my body so Desires and Needs....

Book:   Mocha Chocolate: Taste A Piece Of Ecstasy edited by Shani Greene-Dowdell

Link: http://www.shanibooks.com/apps/webstore/products/show/325638

(1) (Beach Rocks Catch Fire)

Link: http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/17/11745729-beach-rocks-in-womans-pocket-catch-fire-severely-burning-her?lite

(2) (Mysterious Object In Sky)

Link: http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/18/11755639-mysterious-object-nearly-downed-plane-over-denver?lite

(3) (Record Holding Solar System)

Link: http://content.usatoday.com/communities/sciencefair/post/2012/04/hd-10180-record-setting-solar-system-spotted/1#.T7geYMU2PIU

(4) (Glowing Waves Of Maldives)

Link: http://weird-newsstories.blogspot.com/2012/03/weird-news-stories-glowing-waves-of.html

(5) (Ring Of Fire Solar Eclipse---- *** My Personal Favorite *** )

Link: (ABC w/ Video) http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/solar-eclipse-2012-annular-eclipse-visible-california-texas/story?id=16377743#.T7gtDsU2PIU

Link: (TIME) http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/05/16/solar-eclipse-ring-of-fire-coming-sunday/?iid=tsmodule

Link: (Christian Science Monitor w/ Video) http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2012/0519/Solar-eclipse-2012-All-systems-go-for-witnessing-rare-ring-of-fire-video

Link: (Yahoo) http://news.yahoo.com/why-sundays-solar-eclipse-ring-fire-rare-sight-141738339.html

Here's a few links to some recent occurrences that make the wheels in my head start turning with sheer delight. All of them are Super Cool to me, except for the one story where that woman was burned so badly that she needed skin graphs from the beach rocks. That  is extremely sad, as well as I'm sure awfully painful!

The world around us is Amazing , Peculiar ,  full of Surprises and so very Unpredictable . I absolutely love staying informed of all the Stunning and Wondrous events that have been taking place during the course of my life.    ****     Simply Fascinating!!!   :-D~     ****

The title reads, "Living As Change", ...Not... "Living With Change". In my life there are things that change, and things that do not change. Perle Besserman says it best, "There's a difference between coping with the ebb and flow of our lives and becoming that ebb and flow" (Quote from Owning It, Zen and the Art of Facing Life). Resisting these changes makes us suffer more than we have to if we can just allow ourselves to own/accept/become these changes.

I have a great affinity for Butterflies as I feel they represent the many changes in life we as humans go through.

My favorite proverb says,

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a Butterfly."

A friend of mine recently told me they loved the butterflies on the top of my blog. That they associated themselves with a Butterfly during a turbulent time in their life right now. They have been going through many changes over the last 3 months, some forced, some natural and some by pleasant choice. I think it makes the changes easier for my friend because they know of the whole caterpillar to Butterfly transformation (metamorphosis). They know that on the other side of this situation life will be better, happier and full of new possibilities.

What a great attitude my friend is holding towards the major changes that are taking place in their life right now. How wonderful that even though right now is chaotic, sad, scary, etc, they also know that it is not forever, it for right now. Once they make the full transition from troubled caterpillar to the beautiful, totally free Butterfly they will one day look back realizing they have Gained much more than they have lost!

This is the attitude I share about myself as well, and it was really cool to know that there are other people out there that are Brave, Strong and Open to take on their current challenges until they become their Success Stories. I have a poem,  titled Emergence , that is very near and dear to my heart  from Black Butterfly: Poems For A Muse by Bob Savino. I am going to post it below as I find it better to share things that are good/positive with others, than to hide them away keeping them just for myself.

I will end my blog today with another quote from the book Owning It, Zen and the Art of Facing Life by Perle Besserman. She wrote, "When people ask me where I am at, I tell them , 'I'm still here. Even coming and going, I'm always right here'." Can you tell I LOVE this book of hers LOL? I certainly am plugging it a ton on here LOL. Ummm, Yeahhh I Do!  Hey you never know, maybe one of you will find yourself eager to go check it out or buy this 'lil pot of gold' I stumbled upon. It has really helped me become more aware of how Change Is Good ...

BOOK:  Black Butterfly: Poems For A Muse by Bob Savino

POEM:  Emergence

Those last shreds of cocoon clinging to stiff wings crumble finally, falling away.

Sinister shadows, still haunting from your past, disappear into Light.

The long, hard dying's almost done.

The long, hard birthing----nearly over.

You lived through nine circles of hell, but you did not surrender your soul.

Now, in sheer freedom and beauty, your wings magically unfold.

Look----the sun, the sky, the day, salute you!

They all know: you've come Home.